Best Smart Arse Answers… and other Tuesday crap.

The Best Smart Arse Answers of 2006

It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. “Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. “What are my choices?” John asked.

“Yes or no,” she replied.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said. The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.” When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, “Low Bridge Ahead.” Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?” The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

Well I thought they were a laugh. Someone emailed these to me, there were a couple of other ones mixed in the too, but they were maybe just a little too rude for me to even post here, so you just have to guess what they were.

Had a great CentreFinks appointment today, I think I got what I went there for???? Although it was not exactly what I expected it to be. The lady that ran the ‘info session’ looked,sounded and has mannerisms so much like my Mother, that all preparations I had made to be a complete pain in the arse I just could not summon once I was there, curses I say, maybe she looked like all of our mothers. Another damn CentrePrick trick. Anyway, encourageda lady to apply for the Carers Payment who is caring for a 12 year old with severe disabilities along with 6 other children, maybe parenting payment with obligations may be a little hard for her family, but I got the feeling that CentreFinks had not had that discussion with her prior. When I finally got to have an appointment, the CentreFink lady suggested that I do less homework prior to seeing them again. HEHE. Think I may just do more for next time.

Another headline….. sheeeesh

In the news today…….

THE Queensland Government said its new trains are too big for some Brisbane tunnels.

The first of 44 trains arrived last month as part of a contract worth $550 million.

Engineers at Queensland Rail (QR) found the air conditioning units on top of the trains were a centimetre wider than specified.

Thanks to news.com again for this fascinating headline I must add.

Can you imagine the conversation in the lunch room the day this was discovered? ‘Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t measure it, did you?’ ‘Nah, I thought you did’, LOL.

Just another notch in the Great Australian Stupid Mistakes stick.

Anyway, I had a nice day, got bugger all homework done, got washing done though, so a little happy about that. I hate housework.

Oh goody, CentreFink appointment tomorrow…….. yay.

I will post results of meeting when they are available.

Please don’t be Monday tomorrow…….

I’m not sure why but I just have the feeling that my Monday is not going to be great. I usually spend my Mondays getting Tafe homework done, which will not be a problem tomorrow, but I get the feeling that I have forgotten something, not homework, not housework (only the bare minimum is done here anyway), not a child as they are all home, not washing, its all done, maybe it’s the ironing….. nah not doing it. Not CentreFink appointment, it’s on Tuesday…… I wonder what it is??? No Idea, I may or may not find out what it was until tomorrow, when it will bite me on the arse, and I will say, ahhh yes, that’s it, how could I forget that?

One other hassle I have today is that fact that I don’t have anything ‘new’ to read tonight. Now I loooove reading like mad, I read everything, and I love to read something that I have not read before at night when I get into bed. Tonight I have nothing, so I have to check out what I havn’t read for a little while and read it, it’s just that I get so mad when I suddenly realise the plot of the story. I re-read the gross anatomy book last night (and the night before) about some first year med students and their experiences with the first anatomy classes when the finally get to work with cadavers. Good book, but now boring. I have no new crime books to sink my teeth into. I love the true ones, fiction scares me too much, but a true story sparks my interest.

Embarrassingly, I actually read Woman’s Day, ewww it still sucks. I just feel there is nothing truthful in magazines such as this.

I really should check out the op shops tomorrow, might find a good book, might find some ‘new’ (5 year old) clothes too, hmmmmm I think I might have about $22 to spend, crap, I had better use $5 of that to put gas in the car, provided I make it to the petrol station. Fingers crossed.

My usual Monday, see child two off to train, take child one to Tafe, take child three to school, go home to get homework done, visit friends for cuppa, get something to eat for dinner, collect child three from school, collect child one from Tafe, avoid passing shop on way home (the dreaded oh can I get a drink even though we are 30 seconds away from home), get home to find child two has devoured dinner side dishes, get the shits, clean (children’s) pet little tray, wash dishes, prompt people to do homework, get the shits again, retrieve washing from line, dump washing on floor in my room (out of sight), re-do dishes that magically appeared while collecting washing, make dinner, sit down for 5 mins to eat dinner, watch 30 seconds of news, bath child three, get the shits with cat as she wants to play with flying bath water, get child three organised for bed, put him to bed, update blog, say goodnight to children, go to bed (without a book). sigh, get annoyed at the thought of doing it all again the next day, only with new and exciting tasks to complete.

Sigh………

UPDATE of previous post…… the lawnmowing post.

Oh great, just to top off a wonderful afternoon of attacking yard with whiper sniper, said whiper sniper had a slight run in with a native Australian Water Dragon (lizard) (and what the hell is a native Australian Water Dragon doing in a suburban yard with water restrictions anyway) with the poor little lizard coming off second best in the battle. Lopped off his front leg, left front leg to be exact, then spent the next half hour chasing up the local Wildlife team, found them, then took the lizard to the vet. And donated the fish tank we had him in to the wildlife mob.

Sigh… great ending to a great day.

Better go to bed before I injure anything else.

Mowing the lawn and other conformist activities.

Well, actually I can’t start the lawn mower (despite obtaining new parts for the darn thing) so I am just doing the edging today, knocking down the hedges so to speak, just neatening up the yard a bit, so grumpy frowning neighbour may only frown twice this week. If my neighbour hadn’t mown their lawn in ages, for so long it would cause me to frown, I would at least ask if I could be of assistance. That doesn’t happen these days does it?

I did an awful lot of cooking this morning, a heap of baking,not that the end products were awful, made mini quiches and a variety of choc muffins for school and Tafe lunches.

Child three been playing Xbox for the afternoon, not that this gives me any quiet time, as he gives a running blow by blow commentary… you may think this funny, but I now have a headache, I call it an Xbox headache.

Child one out and about today and for the night. Child two I dropped off at the pictures with his mate earlier this afternoon, will collect them at about 7pm, take mate home then check on another friends house as they are away for the weekend. Today === Full.

Child three has some homework to do, I will give him a hand tomorrow, it is basically explaining how to play a game, instructions etc etc. He has chosen the hardest board game in the house (besides Pictionary), it is a Harry Potter game, difficult to say the least, but alas, I can not convince him that UNO is really easy to explain. Nah, too boring.

Must go ‘do’ the front yard, grumpy neighbour is out the front.